More Like the Great Enabler

Have you ever talked to one those jerks who say that the only two certainties in life are death and taxes? Well, they’re wrong. Dead wrong. There is a little known third certainty, but an equally important one: the willingness of children to buy rock candy at any price.

Some of you might say, “But Lain, it’s a market driven by scarcity! Just make the rock candy more accessible to children and they’ll chill out.” To that I say, “Prove it, jerk! Prove it!” Because you won’t…and you can’t. Children will climb any mountain and cross any river in order to buy rock candy, and even then they do not care about the cost.

This morning we gave a tour and storytelling to a well behaved group of ninety kids. And then they saw the gift shop. 200 pieces of rock candy later, the Wren’s Nest sold out of of the stuff. I narrowly escaped certain death at the sticky hands and blue and green stained teeth of some seriously motivated fifth graders. Their teachers, none too excited about the bus ride home with these freshly sugared urchins, reluctantly kept the little ones from tearing me to bits.

My title may be “executive director” but sometimes it feels more like “drug dealer for children.” Anyway, I think they had a good time.