Two animal rights groups have appealed to Mayor Reed to keep the elephants out of the show, and PETA made an unusually tasteful protest last week with a sad pachyderm statue in Woodruff Park.

Now, I’m not here to use this space to argue either way — though it should be noted that, all PETA disparaging aside (and believe me, I had to curb it), I LOVE elephants.  I went through a pachyderm phase circa 1991 that was unparalleled, featuring an evolutionary pictograph (thank you, Kids Discover magazine) and a barf-green sweatshirt with an African elephant standing in purple grass.  Note: I hate purple and should never, ever wear olive green, but the elephant on the front triumphed over good sense.

Nope, I’m here to talk about the elephant tooth we have here at the Wren’s Nest.

Once upon a time Clio the Elephant was the biggest attraction at Atlanta’s Grant Park zoo.  When Clio died, parts of her body were gifted to noteworthy people, including our very own Joel Chandler Harris.  He kept her molar on his desk at the Atlanta Constitution.  We like to have kids guess what it is as part of the tour.

Kind of a horrifying practice, right?  But also a product of the times.  We use this example a lot when people deride Harris for being insensitive or un-PC — also known as “a person who lived 100 years ago.”  As usual, our argument remains: present judgement should be reserved for present situations.

That said, you may believe that circus elephants are a relic of an ignorant time gone by, and I don’t think I disagree.

I expertly covered this phenomenon back in 2007, so you should really just read this post, as it’s still 100% pertinent.  Especially if you’ve hopped on board since September ’07 (welcome!).

If you are one of those johnny-come-latelys, allow me to bring you up to speed:

• Lain is our executive director
• That is, not a famous person
• Yet, he signs autographs
• Because people request them
• This is totally weird

For those of  you looking for a progress report, here it is: the epidemic is growing.

We do.  Because IT JUST HAPPENED!

You’ll note that the address is ours, but neither Steve Harvey nor Grown Folks Radio reside here.  Well, at least not today.

To our knowledge, Mr. Harvey has not requested that all of his mail be sent here.  Which is not to say that we’re not up for it, by the way.  I bet he gets all sorts of promotional mugs.

In the meantime, to our undoubtedly huge readership at 102.5fm: want to come pick this up?

These were published well after the actual mascot was chosen.  Izzy (né WhatIzIt) was, let’s say, not the most popular choice.

Here’s the bumper sticker–

And the book–

To be fair, anything would have been better than Izzy.  Even I knew that as a nine year-old, and trust me — I was not a very bright nine year-old.

The book does make a pretty good case for Brer Rabbit–

“I mighta known you’d have a fit about the blue fuzzball,” said Brer Buzzard.  “So have most of the rest of the folks.  But it seems like what happened is that, when it came to the pickin’ of the mascot, the big guys in charge didn’t do their homework.”

“Don’t they know that we come from a proud tradition?” Brer Rabbit said.  “Why, I can trace my own line back to Anansi and the great trickster heroes of Africa!  Brer Fox ‘n Brer Bear ‘n the other critters, they go ‘way back too!  Why, there’s trickster stories told about critters like us in just about every country in the world!”

“…don’t they know that the ordinary folks around here are proud of us?  We kinda remind the people of Atlanta of themselves ’cause we’ve got the local sassy spirit ‘n quick wits!  Whoever it was that decided to choose that blue thing, it was folks that don’t event know us!”

“They thought they knew who you were,” said Brer Buzzard.  “They thought you and the other critters were stereotypes.”

“Whaddya mean stereotypes?” said Brer Rabbit.  “We come from the real history of Atlanta.  What’s that dumb lookin’ blue gizmo got for a history?”

Not much!  Though given the reputation of the Atlanta Games, Izzy was perhaps the most appropriate mascot.

The final image in the book is particularly inspiring–

We’re totally going to start selling the book and the bumper sticker in the gift shop.  Believe it or not, the campaign for nothing left us with a few extras.

Unlike most house museums however, Microsoft has some pretty deep pockets. They addressed the problem by hiring the same firm that brought back the King from Burger King.

Click here to view the embedded video.

And behold! They made Bill Gates funny! With impeccable timing!

I suppose you could say that Microsoft’s Seinfeld commercials are a little bit like the Wren’s Nest blog–a little awkward, sometimes confusing, oddly funny, and a direct response to a problem (of being branded a snoozefest) outside of our control.

Oh, but ours cost $300 million less.  …and reaches approximately 300 million fewer people.

Thanks, Epicenter.

I’m pretty sure the title of this specific program will be called “¡Este Museo Heule a Mierda!”, based on the fact that they kept on saying that over and over again.  I believe it roughly translates to, “This Is a Great Museum!”

The show will feature stories about storytelling from around the world, but it’ll be based at the Wren’s Nest.  Man, it sure does pay to be right down the street from CNN.

En Familia is hosted by Carolina Escobar, who was late but forgiven.

CNN en Español reaches every continent ending in ‘merica, which is good because most of our foreign visitors hail from Europe and Asia.  We need to diversify our portfolio.

I’m not sure what kind of legacy Uncle Remus and Brer Rabbit have in Spanish speaking countries.  We do have a copy of La Fiesta del Zorro from Argentina, but I think we’re bigger in Japan.  They sent their film crew first, anyway.

Just in case nobody had heard of Brer Rabbit, the film crew suggested that my sister bring over my family’s Song of the South poster.

Apparently Disney goes a long way in terms of Latin American street-cred.

The crew, the producer, and Mrs. Escobar have all been terribly gracious and promise they’ll send along the final video when it’s finished.  I’ll upload it if I can.

(Here’s the entire list, in case any of you are really into Atlanta history.)

I wonder if they were all aware that their names flanked our materials, or if Andrew Carnegie was just like, “Ladies, ladies, chill out!  These Presidents–these Presidents are so busy, they’ll never know.  Go ahead, put them on the stationary.  And if anyone complains, I’ll take care of ‘em.”

Also, no offense to our current board, but come on.  You guys are clearly not famous enough.  I’m looking at you, Harold.

Weird? Maybe, but after I had my professional say about ice cream last month (third column, fifth row), I can see why they wanted me back.

Anyway, while we were grilling hot dogs in Piedmont Park, who strolls up but none other than Mr. William King, guitarist and trumpet guy for the Commodores.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This got me thinking.

Who should headline our annual fundraising concert?

Last year we had the League of Decency, a legendary Atlanta cover band that can really boogie. Near the end of the evening, the covered “Brick House” and things went, well, bananas. Was this some sort of sign that we should have the Commodores play “Brick House” the next year?

I can’t say.

Either way, if you’ve got requests for who should headline our concert, fire away.

Factors include–(a) how much it costs; (b) if the neighborhood can get down with it; (c) will folks drive here to see it; (d) if I like them or not; (e) do they bring the funk?

This morning the New York Times published an article about the tough financial times faced by the Mark Twain House in Hartford, CT, which is currently juggling somewhere in the range of five million dollars of debt. Uf.

(The Mark Twain House in all its Connecticut glory.)

Now, while the article does have some laugh-out-loud moments (don’t let Steve Wynn near your Picasso, har har!), it paints a pretty dire picture for the home where Mark Twain wrote some of his most famous works.

In short, the museum ambitiously built a totally awesome visitor’s center (I know. I’ve seen it!), the cost of which got out of hand, and quick. Combine that with increased energy and travel costs (fieldtrips are our bread and butter, too) and you’ve got an incredible landmark facing the possibility of closing its doors.

This. Is. TERRIBLE.

Now, dear reader, I am trying to do everything I can to play it cool here, but this legitimately makes me panicky. As a gal raised by Twain-quoting obsessives (my dad may or may not have taken the year before my birth to read Mark Twain exclusively) with a minor stake in the fate of writer’s homes these days, this is big time awful.

I mean, this is MARK TWAIN. His is not a forgotten name. Samuel Clemens, maybe, but that’s why he took a pen name, okay smartypants?

If his museum is in danger, what does that mean for the rest of us? And I don’t just mean in the world of house museums, either. Twain’s home is every bit as eccentric and clever as the writings of the man himself. It’s like one giant testament to his overwhelming awesomeness. And it might close?!

How about this: I’ll go breathe into a paper bag while you go here and donate money.

Thanks.

Also, it seems important to mention that Twain’s home may be the only thing Connecticut has to offer the rest of the country. I may or may not be serious.

Well, that or it’s time to stock up on deodorant. Your call.

(Real poster to come soon. In the meantime, be in awe of my photoshop skillz.)

Wren’s Nest Fest, our annual community festival, will be held Friday, June 13th (spooky!) from 9am to 4pm. Now, you’ll certainly hear more about this event as it approaches, but in the meantime, we’ve got a favor to ask.

From reading this blog, you may have ascertained that the Wren’s Nest is not exactly rolling around on piles of jewels and gold coins.

If a house could roll, I mean. And if any house could, it would be this one. But I digress.

The point is, we work on the cheap, and can’t afford to do otherwise. Which means we depend on the kindness of others quite a bit, and we REALLY need that kind of kindness on June 13th.

(This could be you!)

If you are able to volunteer to help out (if that wasn’t clear, that’s what what I’m asking — for you to come here and do unpaid labor), we’ll do our best to cater to your specialties.

You’re an artist? Looks like it’s facepainting for you!

A top-rated chef? You’ll grill the best hot dogs ever!

Animal enthusiast? You’ll be great at telling children to pet bunnies gently. I said GENTLY!

Greedy cash-monger? You can work the admission table!

Hate children? You can tell them what to do and pretend they’re your underlings! No touching!

Best of all, as thanks for your help, you will receive a complimentary… t-shirt! HOLY MOLY!

(Oh! The bounty! Though this year’s will be electric blue, just so you know.)

If you think you’ll be able to help out for even a couple of hours, please let us know. The comments section is a great place to start. Thanks!